I'm Not A Voyeur, But I Am Willing To Learn

I've never been much of a voyeur. Yes, I know, it's one of my shortcomings. (Is there such a thing as "longcomings?" - You're going have to do your own joke. Someone's at my door ...)

I'm also not big on gossip. (Catch your breath ... it gets worse.)

I couldn't care less who is screwing whom (or who, for that matter) unless my wife is involved (and that's mostly because if it's a hot woman I want to watch ... ummm ... well, I would if I was a voyeur, perhaps, but I'm not so they can just videotape it for me).

I also don't care who wants to screw who (whom is a different matter). Unless, of course, I am one of the parties involved.

There is an exception to the above rules, though, and that is if it's something amusing. (And since I am deeply disturbed, the types of things I find funny pretty much makes all the above rules unenforceable).

With that in mind, I bring you some amusing Google "suggests" (along with some from Dogpile and Ask.com).

For anyone not aware of what "suggests" are, I have to ask you this: Do you live in a friggin' bottomless pit? (And if you do, how the hell did you get Internet access?) How could you not know this?

"Suggests" are suggestions (see the connection? Is that cool or what?) many search engines give you as you type your search term. Some, like Google, start offering suggestions with the first letter you type. The suggestions change with each additional letter, as long as there are any matches.

The way the search engines offer the suggestions is based, pretty much, on the search terms most people use.

And that, my friends (and any of my mortal enemies who happen to stop by), is where we get the humor.

Here's what I conjured up yesterday:








Isn't it obvious? That ain't your nose you're blowing.








Yes you do, and we offer a fine selection of designer jars
with which to display them.








Just the way I like my women - easy, hot and fat!








Is this really a popular search term
anywhere outside of Alabama?








Then you'll be happy to learn Chinese people
are extremely terrified of the brain dead.








Oh ... My ... Gawd!

What the hell is wrong with you?

Didn't your mother teach you anything?

It's not polite to brag!








Dude! You really need to find new friends.








Umm. Let's see .. how 'bout, oh I don't know, spreading your legs?

Seriously, do you really find this to be that tricky?

He's a fucking guy, isn't he?

Damn girl, just take off your pants.

Hell, just smile at him and bend over.

Geesh!

(By the way, let's not tell your Daddy where
you got the answer, okay?)








I'm really scoring major points with this post, aren't I?








Not since my lawyer explained that stupid
"age of consent" crap.








You're not ripe yet.




.